i don't want to visit iceland

what is it about iceland? the name implies a terribly cold and foreboding place. a wicked combination of land and ice. besides, 80% of the exports are fish and i am not all that big a fan of fish. almost everything, save energy, is imported and the cost of living is therefore high. when you think vacation - do you think iceland?

neither do i.

that's because i don't want to visit iceland, i want to live there. i want to buy some sheep, learn the language and tell the old norse stories to my great-grandchildren (the hanauers come from bavaria). i noticed this about myself in college. my friend belville and i flew to london to talk to them about Jesus. while most found themselves buying "mind the gap" t-shirts, i was scoping out flats and perfecting an accent. i wanted to live there.

then came moshi, tanzania - recifie, brasil - amsterdam, netherlands - kyiv, ukraine. and while i visited those places and even lived for a bit in kyiv - i have settled my family in my hometown. my story could best be told by bruce and the e street band. most likely, i will never get to live in the places i have longed for. my wife tells me there simply aren't enough years to be had for me to do all that needs done. this might sound tragic to you the reader. but, to me, it is profoundly beautiful.

when i think of life, i often think of those things that are yet to come. food yet to be tried, hobbies yet to be pursued, beer yet to be tasted and places yet to experience. i don't want to visit iceland, i want to live there. i want to be a local and enjoy the taste of cod with the sea in my face. and yet i want so much more.

mastering my desires will be lifetime pursuit for me. my wanting to live in cultures that vary from my own is only the start of where this gets outta hand.

...don't think that i am miserable. today i have been married for six years to my high school sweetheart. together we know that the best is yet to come. i know what i have - family that loves me, a job that satisfies something primal, the ability to think and to learn, money enough for food, shelter, clothing, a big truck and many other extras. my life is good and i plan on sucking out every last drop. and when death comes, just play some sigur ros on my five-string armadillo guitar from bolivia and i shall be free.

in the end, i don't want to have just visited - i want to have lived.